P.M. Forni. The Etiquette of Political Conversation

In July 2004, Professor Forni wrote:
"We are only a few months away from a presidential election that is polarizing the
country. According to political observers the levels of emotional involvment on the part
of the voting public are exceptionally high, “We’ve become two warring nations
[Democrat and Republican],” independent pollster John Zigby recently stated. “The same
incivility we have been experiencing within Washington in the last decade has spread out,
and we are seeing it nationally now.” (The Sun, July 11, 2004, p. 2C). And it is not just
politicos and pundits. Partisan hostility is heating up the conversations of neighbors, co-workers,
friends and family members. How are you going to be affected by this? What
are the civil rules of engagement in everyday exchanges of political ideas? How can you
avoid angry confrontations? How do we voice our opinions in a way that is at the same
time forceful and respectful? Here is my set of tips.

1. Decide whether you want to get involved. Is this the time and place to engage
in a discussion that may become heated? Consider the consequences your
argument may have. Is it worth your while to engage in it? Is someone baiting
you? Do you have trouble remaining calm and collected in this kind of situation?
You can always change the subject, excuse yourself, or even state that you just
prefer not to talk politics right now.

2. Be fair and respectful. If you do choose to discuss politics, give others the
opportunity and the time to state their opinions. Do not interrupt and do not
ignore. Do listen to what the other person has to say. Allow the possibility that
that there may be something good in his or her ideas. Acknowledge the points on
which you agree. Do not use demeaning or abusive language.

3. Be thoughtful. Taking for granted that the political preferences of your co-workers
and acquaintances will coincide with yours is not a good idea. Even
friends whose steady voting record you know may on occasion vote for the “other
guy”. Do not say to your boss: “So, sir, how are we going to make sure that X is
not re-elected?” Maybe your boss wants X re-elected. You have the right to
express your opinion, but presuming to know the minds of others is rarely
endearing.

4. Be discreet. Saying out of the blue: “So, for whom are you voting, Joan?” you
may be perceived as too bluntly inquisitive or outright intrusive. Avoid exposing
someone’s political affiliation. In mixed company do not say: “So, Jim, I bet you
will vote Democrat once again, you old liberal dog you.”

5. Keep your poise. By expressing yourself with determination and poise you will
convey the strength of your convictions. If someone is bullying you, respond
politely but firmly. You may say “This is my opinion and I have given it a lot of
thought,” “I would appreciate it if you did not raise your voice,” or “Well, let’s
just accept that we have different opinions about this and move on.”
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P. M. Forni is a Johns Hopkins University professor and author of Choosing Civility:
The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct (2002). http://www.jhu.edu/~civility/